"You are no longer in danger."

So I think my guerrilla warfare professor is a messenger from God, or at least an earthly symbol of my salvation in Christ or something. A month ago, I failed the midterm, for many complicated reasons that I won't describe ('twas the first test I'd ever failed...including grade school). He offered a makeup test, a second chance, to those who wanted to retake it. For me, there was no other option. I obsessed over the test for the next few weeks, an obsession that climaxed last week, holy week, when I finally took it after studying for days on end.

However, a few nights before the test, I had a strange dream. My professor role-played as a priest at a confessional, and I was the sinner. He ducked back into a closet (not sure why) and told me to confess my sins. For some reason, I started listing off adjectives: "Well, I'm apathetic, I'm lazy, I'm..."

"No, no, no," he interrupted. "You are took focused on your works, try something else."

"I'm not normally focused on works! I'm a Calvinist!" I stubbornly replied (I tend to be condescending in my dreams). "But okay - I believe that I'm saved by the grace of God, and that salvation comes from Jesus Christ."

He nodded in satisfaction and stepped out of the closet into the church, and then I woke up.

If that's not a direct message from God, I'm not sure what is. I still worried about the test (would the London people still accept me this summer if I failed? would I have to take his class again?). But I felt a little better. I took the test, wrote what I knew, and felt moderately okay about it. That whole I week I was in a bad mood, though, for reasons mentioned in my previous entry.

Then today I sat in class, waiting for it to start, and he approached me and sat a couple seats over. Oh no, I thought. This can't be good. "Miss Kaufmann, what went wrong on your midterm?" Crap. "I mean, on the original midterm, because you wrote a very good makeup." Ah, relief! I explained to him the various possible reasons, and he nodded in compliance.

"Well, I thought perhaps something just clicked,"he said, gesturing and getting up. "At any rate, you are no longer in danger."

What a message to hear at Easter. I'm not one for cheesy stories, nor would I call this a direct allegory, but I do like to see metaphors of salvation in my own narratives, reflected in some timely dreams and well-placed dialogue. The story is meaningful because God reminded me that ultimately I shouldn't rely on myself nor worry about what tomorrow brings, for "today has enough troubles of its own." The story of Easter is the story of God rescuing us from danger; the relief I feel about doing well on the test pales in comparison to the relief I feel at the power of the resurrection. Keeping it all in perspective prevents the stress of school from overwhelming me. So whether my prof is a metaphor or a messenger from God, at the very least he's helped me relax a bit more, albeit unwittingly.