warning labels

I want to make a living editing all the warning labels of the world. Here's what all our insect screens say:

WARNING: Insect screens are intended to provide reasonable insect control and are not intended to provide security or provide for the retention of objects or persons from the interior.

After reading William Zinsser's On Writing Well, here's how I would say it:

YO! These screens keep insects out. Don't throw yourself or anyone or anything else through them.

So tomorrow I'm departing on a three week jaunt. First I'll spend time at the beach with my family, playing bocce and bodyboarding with Eliot and watching TV late into the night with my sisters (in our very own room!). But all the while the dread and anticipation of RAGBRAI will set in. For those who don't know, RAGBRAI is a week long bike tour across Iowa. This year Lance Armstrong has decided to try his pedal at it, so we'll see how crowded those backroads and dusty towns get. To prepare for this hallowed event, I created a mix; though I searched for bike-related material, and found some, I also discovered that, since RAGBRAI is a metaphor for life, there's a lot of relevant music out there. Some of these songs have to do with struggling and enduring and making it over that next hill. Some are just funny or German. Voila:

1. Bicycle Song - Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. The W.A.N.D. (The Will Always Negates Defeat) - The Flaming Lips
3. Iowa - Dar Williams
4. Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin
5. Chewbacca Song - Tenacious D
6. The Ride (Part II) - Calexico
7. Smoke and Mirrors - RJD2
8. I Have No Sister - Oh No Oh My
9. Kindertagen - The Czars
10. Mountain Song - Jane's Addiction
11. Deep Red Bells - Neko Case
12. A Long Way to Go - The Edwin Hawkins Singers
13. Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads
14. The Tourist - Radiohead
15. Paradise Here Abouts - Howe Gelb
16. Over the Next Hill (We'll Be Home) - Johnny Cash

P.S. I didn't include Queen's Bicycle Race cuz co-rider Fiedler always puts that in his mix.